Full Name: The Tooth Fairy

Nickname(s): Toothy, The Toothe Faerie (British), Flash

Screen Name: CashForChoppers

Claim to Fame: The world’s most charitable weirdo

Current Residence: Oslo, Norway

Pets? Otto the dog (he collects canines), a cat named Boots (he collects dust)

What are you reading now? “Modern Dentistry” by June Hoover-Doots

Favorite fast food place/restaurant? Bob’s Big Boy

What’s your favorite game? Backyard wrestling

Favorite song? “Smile America” by The Space Monkeys

Favorite sexual position? Any that allows me to lick my partner’s teeth

Favorite drink (non-alcoholic)? Scope

Favorite drink (alcoholic)? Gum Runner (coconut rum + blackberry brandy + Scope)

Favorite smell? Nitrous oxide

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Radioactive White

What’s under your bed? 30,209,841,499,347 teeth and counting

What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? “I will need to compile a new list for today of justifications for punching people in the mouth”

Where is the best place you have ever been? Los Angeles – have you SEEN the dental work out there?  It’s astonishing

Worst place? France

Pet peeves? Poor hygiene, people who live in igloos, people who haggle (I once argued with a woman for 4 hours over what an ‘acceptable’ price for a molar would be), “English teeth”

What would you say is your best characteristic? My seemingly unending wealth, I’m surprisingly well-spoken

Worst characteristic? I snore

If you could meet someone, dead or alive, who would it be? Robin Hood – I am much like him, except I rob from the toothless and give to the toothless

Do you believe in UFOs? No – what an absurd thought

What did you do on your last birthday? Played two rounds of golf at the prestigious Sawgrass Country Club, bought a new SUV

If you could have any job, what would it be? Soccer referee

What is the most important thing in life? Rewarding biological inevitability

What is your greatest fear? That air molecules suddenly attain the density of steel and suddenly I’m thrust to the ground by some unknown force, where my precious sprite-like body is crushed by the sheer weight of the atmosphere that has inexplicably gained extreme mass

Have you ever been in love? Yes, once, in elementary school, to a young Nicholas Thurpy, who went on to be named a Saint and display similar generosity

What is your motto? “I just like teeth”

What would you like to be remembered for? My above-average butt



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