Full Name: The Tooth Fairy
Nickname(s): Toothy, The Toothe Faerie (British), Flash
Screen Name: CashForChoppers
Claim to Fame: The world’s most charitable weirdo
Current Residence: Oslo, Norway
Pets? Otto the dog (he collects canines), a cat named Boots (he collects dust)
What are you reading now? “Modern Dentistry” by June Hoover-Doots
Favorite fast food place/restaurant? Bob’s Big Boy
What’s your favorite game? Backyard wrestling
Favorite song? “Smile America” by The Space Monkeys
Favorite sexual position? Any that allows me to lick my partner’s teeth
Favorite drink (non-alcoholic)? Scope
Favorite drink (alcoholic)? Gum Runner (coconut rum + blackberry brandy + Scope)
Favorite smell? Nitrous oxide
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Radioactive White
What’s under your bed? 30,209,841,499,347 teeth and counting
What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? “I will need to compile a new list for today of justifications for punching people in the mouth”
Where is the best place you have ever been? Los Angeles – have you SEEN the dental work out there? It’s astonishing
Worst place? France
Pet peeves? Poor hygiene, people who live in igloos, people who haggle (I once argued with a woman for 4 hours over what an ‘acceptable’ price for a molar would be), “English teeth”
What would you say is your best characteristic? My seemingly unending wealth, I’m surprisingly well-spoken
Worst characteristic? I snore
If you could meet someone, dead or alive, who would it be? Robin Hood – I am much like him, except I rob from the toothless and give to the toothless
Do you believe in UFOs? No – what an absurd thought
What did you do on your last birthday? Played two rounds of golf at the prestigious Sawgrass Country Club, bought a new SUV
If you could have any job, what would it be? Soccer referee
What is the most important thing in life? Rewarding biological inevitability
What is your greatest fear? That air molecules suddenly attain the density of steel and suddenly I’m thrust to the ground by some unknown force, where my precious sprite-like body is crushed by the sheer weight of the atmosphere that has inexplicably gained extreme mass
Have you ever been in love? Yes, once, in elementary school, to a young Nicholas Thurpy, who went on to be named a Saint and display similar generosity
What is your motto? “I just like teeth”
What would you like to be remembered for? My above-average butt
Other Surveys:
A Sperm Betsy Ross Bryan Fenkart Cleopatra Dr. Seuss Edmund Dudley e.e. cummings Fats Gandhi God Gordon Henry VIII Iago from Othello Jaws Jessica Simpson The Jolly Green Giant Jose Canseco Madonna Mario Mike Tyson Mr. Potato Head Pele The Phillie Phanatic Pluto Ponce De Leon Superman Tiger Woods