Disclaimer –Derek's work has been registered at the U.S. Library of Congress, so it would be a terrible financial idea to plagiarize or use any of the material found on this website for your own purposes. Nevertheless, enjoy the writing!
A Dozen Years of Blurbs - (NEW!!!) - Recently, I heard an actor begrudging writing a blurb about himself. It made me remember my good ole’ acting days. I think the surest sign that I was meant to be a writer was that writing a blurb was one of the highlights of each show I’d do. And here they are, in chronological order – though I gotta be honest, I’m pretty sure years 1997-2000 are pretty wrong. Note: after my first ever blurb, I quickly recognized that more than half the blurbs out there started with the person’s name, the name of the show, or the word “this”. Starting with “Anything Goes”, I resolved never to start a blurb with these words, which I mostly kept up.
The Theme-Mail Short Story - This was a Theme-mail I wrote to Will recently that just got out of hand. A new part will be put up each week until the end of the year.
Christmas 2008 Poem - This was a Theme-mail I sent to Will in December 2008 (see below for an explanation as to what a Theme-mail is.) I was originally going to rework it and de-personalize it and send it out as a Christmas card, but I got lazy. Here it is.
The Will Hickey III Comprehension Test - Since September 1997, longtime friend Will Hickey and I have written emails back and forth. Early on, however, we got bored with banal emails just catching the other person up. So we started writing Theme-mails (like a recipe book, a history textbook, a letter to Santa, a manifesto...etc) Each email still incorporates what was going on in our life at the time, but in a much more enjoyable manner. This is one of Will's crowning achievements, written 4/30/98. And you get to take it! (you can't actually click on anything, and there's no answer key - it's just funny)
The Sixteen! Quiz - An email I sent to Will on November 5, 1998. Although you can't click on things, you can actually take this quiz with a pencil and paper. Enjoy.
Master Forewarned vs. Mr. Four-Armed – I wrote the lyrics to this song that Head of Carbonation never recorded because of how hard it was to attempt.
My Personal Tao – For a high school Humanities class, we had to write our own Tao Te Ching excerpts about our values. Stupid me actually took the assignment seriously.
Not About War – Another song I wrote that never got recorded.
Quanta Given – The first of two dialogue-driven short-stories written by Kevin and I. It isn’t very good, but it is a nice precursor for the sequel, which prompted so many good ideas. It also invented the Pass-The-Keyboard method of writing which Kevin and I would come to love.
Nummy Lump – The Sequel.
Speech for Corresponding Secretary – It's explained inside.