Full Name: The Jolly Green Giant
Nickname(s): Leafy McLongstalk, Stretch
Screen Name: LickMyBeans
Claim to Fame: Having my face on cans of vegetables
Current Residence: Burma
Pets? Sprout (technically a son)
What are you reading now? “Advertising Strategies in Today’s Society” by Noodles McGee
Favorite fast food place/restaurant? Veggie Heaven
What’s your favorite game? Spud
Favorite song? My own jingle
Favorite sexual position? Toss-the-Salad, Climb the Beanstalk
Favorite drink (non-alcoholic)? V8
Favorite drink (alcoholic)? Grain alcohol (my tolerance is high – look at my size)
Favorite smell? Peas
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Ebullient Green
What’s under your bed? Nothing but countless miles of terra firma, and probably some critters that I didn’t see before I laid down
What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? “Why? WHY did she leave me and Sprout?”
Where is the best place you have ever been? A canning factory in Wisconsin
Worst place? France
Pet peeves? Pesticides, when the advertising industry never gets my entire body in the frame, carnivores
What would you say is your best characteristic? I’m biodegradable
Worst characteristic? I started all those rumors about me and Mother Nature
If you could meet someone, dead or alive, who would it be? The hot chick from Shrek
Do you believe in UFOs? No – I’ve identified them all
What did you do on your last birthday? Challenged a redwood tree to a height contest
If you could have any job, what would it be? Professional basketball player
What is the most important thing in life? Eat your vegetables and(/to) support my family
What is your greatest fear? Sprout turning out to be a dipshit
Have you ever been in love? Why must you insist on dredging up the painful details of my tumultuous past? (begins weeping)
What is your motto? “Ho ho ho” – The copyright infringement lawsuit against Santa Claus is still in the litigation stage
What would you like to be remembered for? My grass-roots fashion sense
Other Surveys:
A Sperm Betsy Ross Bryan Fenkart Cleopatra Dr. Seuss Edmund Dudley e.e. cummings Fats Gandhi God Gordon Henry VIII Iago from Othello Jaws Jessica Simpson Jose Canseco Madonna Mario Mike Tyson Mr. Potato Head Pele The Phillie Phanatic Pluto Ponce De Leon Superman Tiger Woods The Tooth Fairy