Full Name: Kal-El


Nickname(s): Superman, the Big Blue Boy Scout, Kal-Penn


Screen Name: ManOfStealingSignal


Claim to Fame: saving humanity on a daily basis, my tights


Current Residence: my mom’s basement


Pets? we had to put down Krypto the Superdog (Catwoman herpes), so not anymore


What are you reading now? The Structural Capability of the Human Vaginal Walls by Dr. Alfie W. Puddinger


Favorite fast food place/restaurant? Taco Bueno


What’s your favorite game? basically any track and field event except the high hurdles (the cape gets in the way – leap over tall buildings my ass)


Favorite song? Superman by R.E.M.


Favorite sexual position? The Speeding Bullet


Favorite drink (non-alcoholic)? Kryptonic


Favorite drink (alcoholic)? Gin and Kryptonic


Favorite smell? posies


If you were a crayon, what color would you be? supermesh (whatever you get when you combine blue, red and yellow)


What’s under your bed? tupperware bins, Supergirl


What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? “You think morning breath is bad, try waking up to find your mouth frozen shut because of your uncontrollable freeze-breath.”


Where is the best place you have ever been? Krypton (pre global destruction)


Worst place? France


Pet peeves? kryptonite (green, red, gold, white, silver, orange, jewel, anti, X, magno, magic, and most of all pink.  Okay kryptonites include blue, slow and kryptisium); the fact that there are nearly 20 different types of kryptonite; farting


What would you say is your best characteristic? My hair is unflappable


Worst characteristic? If you think having X-ray vision is cool, you try having sex while staring at Lois Lane’s flank steak entree get digested


If you could meet someone, dead or alive, who would it be? Bizarro Lois, because, between you and me, the regular one hasn’t washed a dish in 10 years


Do you believe in UFOs? technically, I am one


What did you do on your last birthday? went to Chuck E. Cheese’s


If you could have any job, what would it be? a mild-mannered newspaper reporter


What is the most important thing in life? Having an emblem that appears on t-shirts across the globe


What is your greatest fear? Since I’m invulnerable to all non-magic attacks, and have even been resurrected after having been killed by Doomsday, I gotta say not much.  Except house centipedes. 


Have you ever been in love? yes, with virtue and goodness


What is your motto? faster than a tall building, leaping over bullet trains… Jesus, I’m 72 years old, I can’t be expected to remember all of that


What would you like to be remembered for? Superman IV – seriously, I beat a dude who was made out of bits of sun!


Other Surveys:

A Sperm    Betsy Ross    Bryan Fenkart    Cleopatra    Dr. Seuss    Edmund Dudley    e.e. cummings    Fats    Gandhi    God Gordon    Henry VIII   Iago from Othello    Jaws    Jessica Simpson    The Jolly Green Giant    Jose Canseco    Madonna    Mario    Mike Tyson    Mr. Potato Head    Pele    The Phillie Phanatic    Pluto    Ponce De Leon    Tiger Woods    The Tooth Fairy