Full Name: Juan Ponce de Leon
Nickname(s): Chompers, Crazy Old Coot
Screen Name: NoViagra4me
Claim to Fame: Not finding something
Current Residence: Havana, Cuba
Pets? A pet rat named Stuffy, who’s got a bit of the scurvy
What are you reading now? A map of Florida
Favorite fast food place/restaurant? Taco Bell
What’s your favorite game? Plankball, Scabbards and Boards, Spank the Plank – there are a myriad of enjoyable game involving a board in which to engage
Favorite song? “Still Haven’t Found What We’re Looking For” by U2
Favorite sexual position? The Mount-him of Youth
Favorite drink (non-alcoholic)? The gently-flowing waters of eternal youth. And Mr. Pibb.
Favorite drink (alcoholic)? Anything on the rocks (except my fine vessels, the Santa Maria, the Santiago, and the San Cristobal)
Favorite smell? The smell of the lillies in the fields of the isle of Bimini as the slain natives decompose nearby
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Off-Black
What’s under your bed? Hermit crabs – stupid exotic locale…
What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? “I think one of the natives must have accidentally left his spear in my thigh”
Where is the best place you have ever been? A hospital
Worst place? France
Pet peeves? Self-deprecation, cannibalism, scurvy
What would you say is your best characteristic? Perseverance
Worst characteristic? Absolute lack of common sense
If you could meet someone, dead or alive, who would it be? Myself
Do you believe in UFOs? Why would they visit our flat planet, even if the sun revolves around us?
What did you do on your last birthday? Wept quietly into my pillow
If you could have any job, what would it be? Vice-principal of a middle school
What is the most important thing in life? Perpetuating it forever
What is your greatest fear? Old-people sex
Have you ever been in love? I believe I am married, but I should double-check that
What is your motto? “Live long – like unrealistically long – and prosper”
What would you like to be remembered for? Having more birthdays than anyone else
Other Surveys:
A Sperm Betsy Ross Bryan Fenkart Cleopatra Dr. Seuss Edmund Dudley e.e. cummings Fats Gandhi God Gordon Henry VIII Iago from Othello Jaws Jessica Simpson The Jolly Green Giant Jose Canseco Madonna Mario Mike Tyson Mr. Potato Head Pele The Phillie Phanatic Pluto Superman Tiger Woods The Tooth Fairy