Full Name: Jessica Simpson

Nickname(s): Einstein, Boobs McGillicutty

Screen Name: TollstoiFan99

Claim to Fame: My business savvy and inconceivably low IQ

Current Residence: On TV

Pets? None –  I don’t like to be one-upped

What are you reading now? “Fox in Socks” by Dr. Seuss

Favorite fast food place/restaurant? I cook all my own Sir Loins steaks, thank you

What’s your favorite game? Counting

Favorite song? “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by, ummm, The Temptations, right?

Favorite sexual position? The High Profit Margin

Favorite drink (non-alcoholic)? Good ole’ H2A

Favorite drink (alcoholic)? A red rose wine

Favorite smell? I don’t understand the question

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Jessica Simpson Color

What’s under your bed? Britney Spears – heh heh

What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? “For all positive integers n, 12 + 22 + ... + n2 = (n)(n+1)(2n+1)/6”

Where is the best place you have ever been? The zoo

Worst place? France

Pet peeves? Being Christina Aguilera, people who judge me based on my looks, people who judge me based on the absolutely idiotic things I say, people who judge me on any other criteria, criteria

What would you say is your best characteristic? My natural charm

Worst characteristic? I don’t know how to spell my husband’s last name

If you could meet someone, dead or alive, who would it be? I’d rather not meet someone who’s dead, so I guess the Pope.  Is he dead?  I hope not

Do you believe in UFOs? (nodding very methodically) Yes, yes I do

What did you do on your last birthday? I got older, duh

If you could have any job, what would it be? A meteor

What is the most important thing in life? To save the environment from the dolphins

What is your greatest fear? Being thought of as a simpleteen

Have you ever been in love? I love my sweetie Nick – and my fans, but I’m not, like, in love with my fans, because I’m not a . . .what’s those people who marry lots of people? – a moron

What is your motto? “A stitchy time shaves mine”

What would you like to be remembered for? The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour



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