Features - Bryan Fenkart

Full Name: Bryan Thomas Marie Fenkart

Nickname(s): Spoons, Froz'n Dakree, Sloppy Tips

Screen Name: ImperfetcMan

Claim to Fame: having less successful relationships than Liz Taylor, the fifth-of-the-month-shadow facial hair style

Current Residence: www.bryanfenkart.com, www.iheartweasels.com

Pets? several hundred teenage girls

What are you reading now? "Disjointed and Vague Inspirational Musings" by Gordon P. Safebreath

Favorite fast food place/restaurant? Man Ho Chinese Cuisine

What’s your favorite game? ‘Dash

Favorite song? “Blahblaaahhhheeyyy hallabbllahheyyyaaah” by John Mayer

Favorite sexual position? The Fill n’ Go

Favorite drink (non-alcoholic)? and Coke

Favorite drink (alcoholic)? Jagertini

Favorite smell? fatigue

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? turmoil

What’s under your bed? the shattered remnants of my dreams, the aching of my yearning heart, pancakes

What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? “I’m pretty sure I should know her name. Or at least the first letter.”

Where is the best place you have ever been? The Baggot Inn

Worst place? France

Pet peeves? sleep, free time, literary short-windedness, singing like a normal human being

What would you say is your best characteristic? my ability to seduce any living woman, and probably a few dead ones

Worst characteristic? my fear of commitment. No wait, no, I don’t know if I want that to be the answer that I’m remembered for.... probably the fact that I don't have an ass

If you could meet someone, dead or alive, who would it be? Jesus, to see if he’ll chest-bump me

Do you believe in UFOs? not the ones who want exclusivity

What did you do on your last birthday? held a fundraiser concert for abused countries. Hahaha, no I’m kidding, I got some.

If you could have any job, what would it be? actor, composer, comedian, writer, porn star, butler, dancer, astronaut (chief), concert pianist, Argonaut (chief), tinsmith, CEO of a steel manufacturing plant, monk, fishsmith (chief), historian, meteorologist, fashion critic, minor league hockey goalie, dental hygienist, computer programmer (rubber and/or synthetics), Pope. Not any of these: all of these

What is the most important thing in life? Integrity. And ham. Definitely ham. But probably integrity too.

What is your greatest fear? that my song, “The Scavenger Hunt Theme Song”, will be the first to make it on the Billboard charts

Have you ever been in love? Yes, with every girl I’ve written a song, blog, or personal journal entry about. It’s statistically more common for me to be in love than for me to yawn

What is your motto? text messaging is a better form of communication than talking on the phone, or even talking face to face

What would you like to be remembered for? the trail of broken hearts I’ve left in my fiery unapologetic wake; my large genitals