12. A camera that can take a single flattering picture of themselves
11. A lifetime achievement award from the National Enquirer
10. Bitchin’ hair extensions
9. To get President Obama alone in a room together
8. “Chestnuts” roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nipping at well… something… (and by chestnuts I mean infidels, and by Jack Frost I mean a smoking Guido with nice abs)
7. Miley Cyrus’ head on a silver platter; Tony Danza’s buns on a cookie sheet
6. Sunglasses large enough to double as umbrellas
5. To win Dancing with the Stars
4. Something with a long shaft that can explode
3. A more nurturing relationship with Russian President Vladimir Putin
2. Gunpowder, though Lindsey also asked for a rolled up 10 dollar bill with it
1. Leopard-print Snuggie