So I thought it would be interesting to give everyone a perspective as to what I do at work, because it is not like your typical office job which many who read my blog might have (warning: this blog entry contains nudity). Most people begin their day, I would assume, getting a cup of coffee and going to their computer to check their to-do list, and probably their email (and hopefully this site). I start my day by watching a woman have a few martinis and attempt to swim on the floor.
At this point, I imagine many workers would diligently begin their work, trying to get as much done before lunch. It’s no different at my job, except instead of diligently working, we wait for a ghostly apparition to come and spill four gallons of olive oil onto our workspace.
This always increases productivity, our bosses have found. With the olive oil pouring down, the ghostly apparition usually will completely disrobe and sit in the olive oil. Why the apparition does this, nobody can ever be certain. But like clockwork, she’s there every day.
It kinda creeps us out, to be sure. So while we’re taking our mid-morning break, our friend is usually flailing about, still completely naked. Let me tell you, that leads to an interesting water-cooler conversation or two.
Still confused and, quite frankly, experiencing that midday lull in productivity while waiting for lunch, it becomes obvious that our “apparition” is nothing more than Selma from R&D. Every office has one of those practical jokers. How do we know it’s Selma? Well, Selma only eats olives for lunch. Off the floor. Very peculiar woman, that Selma. Here is a shot of her engorging herself on floor-olives.
With lunch over, Selma usually goes away, and that’s when the real work starts. Now filled with energy, that’s when we start doing the coke. With as productive an outfit as we hope to run, we usually put out some BIG lines. See below.
Like all offices, though, mistakes are bound to happen. Today, Mike made an error, and instead of the three burlap sacks of coke he was supposed to bring, he brought three burlap sacks of sawdust. No problem – any good organization can turn an error into a profit, and we are no exception. So at a typical day, we then begin to sweep the sawdust around, naturally. And as a security device to make sure we complete our work, our employers have installed tazers on overhead strings to give inspiration to work if needed.
So far, we’ve worked pretty hard and our bosses feel it’s time to augment company morale, so they have arranged today for us to take part in Gladiator Wars – those are always fun. Today, it looks like Jeff with his zamboni is taking on Rob with just an ordinary pushbroom.
And Rob wins. He’s undefeated with that broom. Anyway, with our morale now at a daily high, it’s time to get back to work. This time, it’s not sawdust, it’s kitty litter. So we spill out bags of kitty litter. But we don’t like to do thing twice at work, we like to do them smart. So instead of immediately sweeping the kitty litter up, we decide to comb it, as any good employee would.
Well, with the final whistle about to blow, it’s time to blow off a little steam after a long, productive day at work. Many people will do one final email check, while some will cut out ten minutes early to hit Happy Hour. At our job, we have Frogger races.
Jeff stakes himself to an early lead, but loses to Jackie in the end because he falls asleep halfway through the race. Looks like it’s not Jeff’s day!
So there you have it. Just another day at work. How was your day?