December 14, 2018

Pull poodle into a long rope. Velcro his head to the top of a standard DNA double-helix. Wrap him around and fasten the tail to the bottom of the strand. Prove that Linus Pauling and Robert Corey were onto something. Wonder why no one is talking to you at the office holiday party. Realize you continue talking about misguided scientists from the 50s. Rule that out; everyone talks about that kind of thing at office parties. It must be the tie you’re wearing. Change ties. Finally ask Yesenia out. It’s time you moved on from Brittney.

December 7, 2018

It’s a shame people don’t remember the talented singer of such hits from the 30s as “Your Baby Ain’t My Baby” , “Speak As Easy as You Can”, and “Boom Thwacka Boom”. Put on those old records, sit back with your poodle, Velcro a martini in your hand, and remember Pearl Harbor and the Repercussions. There’ll never be another one like ole’ Pearl. Never.