May 28, 2018

Sure, our soldiers need praise for their hard work. But let’s also take this time to remember the countless hot dogs and hamburgeers who have nobly sacrificed their lives on this very day, every single year. If you don’t have a bell to toll ten times in tribute, flog your poodle ten times with Velcro. The howls will commemorate our fallen meat products. Don’t forget the condiments.

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