Make a circular rig in the following fashion: use a wide, flat, metal container with high walls (such as a large frying pan). Suspend a long strip of Velcro formed in a spiral several centimeters from the pan. Liquefy poodle (works best with a black poodle). Pour it into rig. Place in freezer and allow to harden. When you pull it out, play it on your record player at 45 RPM. Listen and reminisce about how great your dog sounded. Definitely do NOT play at 78 RPM. After all, you’re not some kind of monster.