The first non-bloody pic

Eat your heart out, Madonna and Child!

Baby jowls!

Look familiar?

Enamored

Brotherly bonding

Big and Little

Good try, buddy

He loves his baby brother

Another OB appointment.  Ash is now 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced.  Anyone who has a knowledge of pregnancy numbers knows this is pretty close to active labor.  So the OB did some poking and prodding around, which is known to spur labor on quite quickly.  (With Landen, Ash’s water broker 2 1/2 days after it was done, but Ash wasn’t anywhere near as ready as she is now.)

Ash asked if we should schedule an appointment for next week, and the OB said no, and “I’ll see you later.”  Ash is going to take in some food, and start the walks around the neighborhood.

So now there’s something of a schedule.  The OB is on call tonight, and if we deliver anytime during normal business hours, she’d also deliver.  Meaning: if we go into labor anytime in the next 24 hours, our OB will be the one to deliver, and it seems a very real possibility at this point.

I kinda want a Keifer Sutherland-style clock to appear on the side of my life now, counting down.  Not that anything calamitous would happen if we didn’t deliver in 24 hours.  But the possibility is greater than ever.

Today’s OB appointment came at a crucial time.  Our OB (who we love) goes away tomorrow for 5 days.  It’s all the more crucial because, when I asked “What do you think the odds are of him making it that long?” she replied “It’s going to be close.”  She’ll be back in the office on Tuesday morning.  And she is on call that Wednesday night (a week from today).  If the baby is not yet born by Wed, the game plan is to take steps on our Wednesday appointment to get labor going, and she’s it being VERY probable the baby would be born by Wed night.

Of course, we learned from Landen’s birth that what she thinks will happen and what actually will happen are two very different things.  I reread some of my blogs from the time, and it showed that her expert opinion can also be wrong.  I had predicted a few days ago that it would be the 12th (9 days before the due date, just like Landen).  I could be very right.  ;)  Really, like every other sane parent says, I want the baby and mom to be healthy.  But if he can just hold off one more week, we’re REALLY appreciate it.

In other news… um, there really isn’t other news.  We’re likely within a week of having a baby.  Eeesh.

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, and while watching Colin Quinn suffer on Conan last night, grabbing at straws to attempt to get laughs, I decided the time was right.   It’s pretty self-explanatory: people who are supposed to be funny who just aren’t.  What do you think of the list?  Agree?  Someone I left off?

10.  Jason Schwartzman – He might only be on this list because I haven’t ever liked any of the movies he’s been in.  That’s got to be partially his fault, though.

9.  Cheri Oteri – She was almost exempt from this list because I feared she wasn’t relevant enough anymore to include on the list.  But her exceptionally forced characters and “I’M LOUD SO I’M FUNNY” shtick was glaring enough to stick her on the list, even if not as high as she might have been 5 years ago.

8.  Ben Stiller – More than probably any other actor, he bothers me.  He’s fashioned a career out of either being a) a douchebag or b) the character who everyone is a douchebag to.  That sort of awkward insult/humiliation humor is tired and never funny.  He’s only not higher on the list because of Tropic Thunder, and even that was almost entirely because of Robert Downey Jr.

7.  Seth Rogan – Not to be confused with Joe Rogan, who occasionally scrapes a laugh out of me, Seth is an overexposed actor who, in small doses, might have enough charm to escape the list.  However, with 23498065 movies where he plays the exact same character, who might be funny to people already high, but not at all funny to people with intact senses of humor.

6.  Jerry Seinfeld – Some of you may be surprised that he’s not higher on this list, due largely to my abhorrence of the TV show.  Well, that’ll put into perspective how unfunny I think the last five people are.  Anyone who made their career out of pointing to something banal and saying “What is up with that?” should never have made it further than a curtain-jerker at Topeka’s second-rate comedy clubs.

5.  Jay Leno – His show has a slew of funny writers on it, yet he can ruin each and every joke he gets with his patented delivery, which seems to hinge largely on using awkward inflection to ruin jokes.  He might not have cracked the Top 10 a few years ago, but after he or NBC (or both) decided he was better than Conan, he gets bitch-slapped down here.

4.  Colin Quinn – I am having trouble remembering anything that he has ever said that made me laugh.  Ever.  This guy makes Mencia seem witty.

3.  Daniel Tosh – The only thing unfunnier than his stand-up show is his desperate attempts to garner laughs with Tosh.0.  I mean, seriously, when Chris Hardwick, who does the same thing on G4′s “Web Soup”, seem downright perfect with his comedy, you know something is wrong.  Then again, I happen to think Chris Hardwick was funny even in Singled Out.  And especially his cameo here.

2.  Jimmy Fallon – He wasn’t funny in Saturday Night Live, when he spent the majority of his time breaking character and giggling.  Heck, he wasn’t funny when he wasn’t spoiling scenes.  He wasn’t funny hosting the Emmys.  He isn’t funny in those credit card commercials.  And he isn’t funny in his TV show.  The worst part is he seems to think he is.  I daresay he’s probably his biggest fan.

1.  Jonah Hill – Please please please please please please please please please please please please stop putting him in movies.

honorable mentions: Ashton Kutcher, Will Farrell, The Rock, Lisa Lampanelli (really most of the “comedians” on the Comedy Central roasts), Norm McDonald, any minority comedian who spends 90% of their set making jokes about being black/Hispanic, Jewish/gay/fat…