So in December of 1997, I received a call that a man I had only known a short period of time, Bill Kirby, had passed away of pneumonia at the terrifying age of 33. He was the stage manager of the community theatre show I did in Park Ridge the previous spring. He was a great guy, and bought me the Monty Python script books just because we got along so well. It was really the first time I had to deal with death, and I didn’t take it altogether well, even though I only knew him for two months.
That night, I was moping and Mitch and Scott said “We’re going to Hooters and you’re coming.” This trip was interesting for three reasons: 1) It was (and is) the only time I’ve been to a Hooters. 2) Mitch swallowed his tongue piercing. 3) I got a moist towelette with my meal.
For reasons unclear to me, I kept the moist towelette in my wallet and said, “I’m going to open this in ten years and see if it’s still moist.” This was largely forgotten. But since then, I’ve gone through three wallets and still kept it. Here is a pic of it:
Sure, it’s seen better days, but I see no tears in the packaging that would allow moisture to escape. The experiment is, of course, silly. Somehow, it seems befitting of Bill (I later dedicated the college version of The Unusual Suspects to him, a play I had started writing shortly after he passed). But it also seems like he’d have chuckled that I bothered to do this.
This experiment also brought about an interesting point by Corey, where they don’t advertise it as NEVER losing moisture. In fact, he said: “They don’t call it Forever Moist!” Incidentally, I think that’s a great name for a) a moist towelette b) a band or c) a sexual position.
So the question is: IS IT STILL MOIST?
Feedback? Guesses? (I unwrap it on New Years Eve, I’ve decided.)
So at some point in the morning (I don’t really know) I randomly wake up. There are some lights flashing or something, and I’m sorta half-conscious. I look out of my room and see there are flashing lights in my apartment. That’s not normal. I don’t know if my living room lamp is fritzing out or what. I stumble out of bed in my T-Shirt and Happy-Face Boxers and before I get into the living room, I hear “RENO POLICE!” This can’t be good, I think to myself.
Still not fully awake, and clearly looking like I’m not fully awake, I see two officers shining flashlights at me. I’m not exactly sure what to do. They inform me pretty quickly that my front door had been open and a neighbor called them because apparently it had been like that for some time. The other officer tells me to stay put while he searches in my room.
This isn’t the first time this has happened, of course. My door doesn’t always shut properly, and the wind has blown it open a few times. Of course, if I routinely LOCKED my door, this wouldn’t be a problem. Anyway, just then a woman walks by the still-open front door and peers in. I turn to the one cop and say, “Hmmm, something tells me I should be out here in just my boxer shorts.” He says, “At least you’re not in a G-String”. I think I like the Reno PD.
The other guy comes back and tells me there’s been a spree of robberies in Reno (not particularly my area) and that I should lock. I briefly explain that I’m quite happy that they found me. I said “I’m from NJ – if I left my door open there, they’d likely steal the bed I was sleeping on.” He asked to see some ID, which I showed.
The left rather politely, seeing I wasn’t robbing my own place.
It was 7 in the morning. I couldn’t go back to sleep. But after the constant debacles with the Elmwood Park police department (see my blog entries about it), I feel pretty good about Reno cops.
p.s. Please look at my other blog posts – I’m still not at my goal for the CD Charity Drive, and I was REALLY hoping to give some kids a good Christmas. Please consider donating just $22.50 (total) for 40+ songs of music and a GREAT cause.
I will assume most of you read the last email talking about the charity Bryan Fenkart and I are teaming up to try to earn money for (see last blog for more details)
In order to try to raise as much money as possible, we are sweetening the deal. Until the end of the year, for $20 (or roughly a tenth of a tank of gas), you will still receive my music album Love is Kinda Funny Sometimes and Bryan’s impressive debut Imperfect Man. For a limited time only, you will also receive a copy of a CD sampler Earsnacks Volume 9. This contains a track by Bryan, as well as 11 other tracks, including a killer instrumental from Chris Thile (of Nickel Creek), and some great other independent artists.
Not enough? For that same $20, Bryan and I will also include a track each (via email) that is NOT AVAILABLE ON ANY CD. That’s right, two extra tracks that will not be available for purchase on our next CDs.
So you will now be receiving 41 tracks for $20. And half the money goes directly to charity! Help out! Do something for a stranger!
Order at www.esoderek.com/album. I can hear destitute children who can’t watch porn crying.
December’s the time for commercialism, materialism, and eating too much. We’re pretty lucky. Fortunately, some other good people out there are doing much more to better the world than we are, eating turkey and wrestling Guitar Hero III away from some elderly man. One such place is www.laptopgiving.org. They’re implementing a great project to give every third-world country child a computer. Some wizards over at MIT created this amazingly cheap, innovative computer and, for $200, we can ship one to a needy child. For $400, we can give one and get one. If we raise enough money, we’ll do that, and donate the second one locally.
I’m not alone in wanting to do this. I’m teaming up with legendary songwriter and truly great person BRYAN FENKART (www.bryanfenkart.com). Together, for the first time ever, we are selling our two CDs as a package for ONE MONTH ONLY. For $20 (plus S&H), you can get Bryan’s debut album Imperfect Man with my half-comedy release Love is Kinda Funny Sometimes. HALF of all the money we raise will go to this worthy cause, so someone else has something to unwrap this holiday season.
The way we see it, this is a perfect gift if you’re stuck with the boss’ girlfriend in the office pool and don’t even know her. Give her the gift of independent music. Give your best friend the gift of Bryan’s hypnotic, svelte vocal stylings. Give your great-uncle a copy of the song Women Are Insane, especially if he’s divorced. Give your parents the Charity Double-Pack, available NOW at www.esoderek.com/album. Remember, half your purchase goes directly to charity.
I know many of you already have copies of these, and if you don’t, you should. Especially Bryan’s CD – it’s amazing.
Go to www.esoderek.com/album for more information, and of course go to www.laptopgivings.org to get the skinny yourself. CDs will start shipping out next week, and you should have them before Christmas. This offer will last until 12/31.
Thank you, and have a great holiday.